Squash Finals Night - Report & Results

SQUASH FINALS NIGHT - Saturday 18th April
REPORT & RESULTS

By SEAN HAYDEN
 

Hi Everyone

The RACKETBALL final was actually contested on the Monday before, in which Mark Booth accounted for Ed Copleston in a contest that unlike the Mandelson vetting process, produced a clean, unambiguous result.

So the evening opened with the LADIES event, three junior members contested the final: Eva Reilly, Charlotte Crayston, and Abbie Wingrave. Eva emerged the winner, playing, it must be said, with a focus that the Prime Minister could usefully observe.

The VINTAGE event was won by Mark Ambrose, with Tom Richardson runner-up. Ambrose played with the quiet confidence of a man old enough to remember when Mandelson was last a national embarrassment.

The OVERHILL saw Ed Copleston beat Richard Farrant. Ed was sharp and decisive, unlike you know who.

The HANDYCAP delivered a Dominic Farrant v Tim Reilly final. Dom won. No sentiment, no mercy, no review commissioned afterwards.

The PLATE to Dan Munford over Julian Sales. Straightforward, due process was observed and the right man won.

The Doug Row Trophy, that most venerable of contests, was won by Mark Kubli, dispatching Sean Hayden to the runner-up spot with the sort of ruthless efficiency currently absent from all three branches of British government. Sean was left contemplating a runner-up spot and his life choices in equal measure.

A final word — or rather, several.

To Chris Pitchford, who emigrated to Australia with his family this week. Finals Night was his last at the club. Chris is exactly the kind of member every club runs on: no fuss, just reliably there when it matters. He will be greatly missed. So will his monthly bar spend. Safe travels, Chris.

To Nitin Patel, whose amazing home-cooked curry kept the spectators fed, warm and arguably more entertained than some of the matches. Outstanding work, and considerably better received than anything currently being served up in Westminster.

To Michael Shanahan for doing the washing up. An unsung hero. In a just world there would be a trophy for this. There isn't, but there should be.

To Rob Crayston for being able to drink 10 pints of beer without falling over To Carrol Row for attending and presenting the awards, a genuinely lovely touch that gave the evening exactly the weight and warmth it deserved.

And finally to Steve Valentine, who has somehow organised this entire magnificent circus not once, not twice, but for the 29th consecutive year. Twenty-nine years of finals nights, of trophies presented and runners-up consoled. We do all hope he can be persuaded to do it for another twenty-nine. Mike drop!